RACE REPORT - MONACO

Monaco GP (Sunday, january 22nd, 2012) – Race Report, by Sexy Brigadeiro

Well, this is MY first race report, so please be nice, guys.

Right now I have a pretty weird feeling, which is a mix of a HUGE frustration – because I was taken out of the race by some irresponsible driver who doesn’t know what BRAKES are (no, Sven, it wasn't you)... - and at the same time I’m EXTREMELY happy for my teammate, ADI, who got an AMAZING VICTORY on the very last lap, due to an unfortunate crash by Tom McKay who got the pole and lead the entire race, doing a brilliant driving, but… ‘A little bit unlucky’, as Igor Zlobin from ‘Russian Mafia’ (oh, please, make me laugh!...) uses to say on BMW Battlestats… So… I’m not sure if it’s the best time to write this, but… the truth is that I still need to eat my lunch and I’m hungry!

The race was a pretty crashy one, as everyone already knew it would be… Needless to complain about the track and that specifically ISR Monaco version… Anyway…
The very 1st corner was a total mess – also as expected… Tom kept the lead, but Soutie and ADI were fighting for the 2nd place and Soutie ended up hitting the wall slightely, which made other drivers from behind the pack to also hit each other and Arek unfortunately had a broken front wing… - it’s curious how everybody KNOWS (or at least SHOULD KNOW) how BOTH the tires and brakes are cold at the beginning of the races (especially on the 1st lap(s) and even more especially on the very 1st corner) and also that the car is HEAVIER, due to the fuel, BUT… still people brake ‘a little bit too late’ on the 1st corner and they’re always acting like if they would win a long race right there… Even at Monaco, that’s not exactly an absolute true – as everybody saw at this race – so this is something for everybody to think about a little bit more… Ok, ok, ok… a LOT more – you noobs!!!

Back to the race… On the following laps, Tom was leading, followed closely by ADI, Stig and Alex. Soutie dropped to 5th place, followed by Luft_inspektor, who had a pretty good start, going up from 11th to 6th. ADI stayed close to Tom on the 1st 3 laps, but with a few mistakes here and there, Tom was able to open a 2 or 3 secs. lead. Stig, Alex, Soutie and even Luft were pretty close to each other and also not so far from ADI. SexyBrigadeiro, the BEST DRIVER IN THE UNIVERSE EVAH (right after Senna...) wanted to start last (on purpose – and he even DQed himself on quali to make sure he was going to start last – crazy brazilian guy – pfff!!!...), but some noobs who can’t get to the quali on the scheduled time (3pm UK time) got online only a few minutes before the actual race start, so these guys were automatically placed behind Sexy (not in a gay way, ok?)… So, Sexy left the 2 noobs pass him on the start and was trying to avoid all the other crashes. On the 1st corner, I was forced to use the internal escape area, because there were drivers literally blocking the track, so it was the only place to pass, but still I let all of them overtook me again (I gave them the places back, as I think it was the right and fair thing to do) and, once again, I was last on purpose. On the following laps, all I could see was a festival of F1 cars debris scattered on track… There were all kinds and colours of them and I started a little game with myself, which was trying to guess whose those debris belonged to… I failed… They were just too many! But that meant the race was still a crashy one. Drivers had a real hard time trying not to give the fences some love – and the fences gave them back some hate, giving some drivers a special ticket for a free ride at the amazing Pit Lane Park – YAY!!!…

The leaders started to get some traffic earlier on this track – due to lots of drivers crashing and going to the pits – and overtaking was always a problem in Monaco… But most of the drivers were nice and fair enough to reduce speed and allow the overtaking while being lapped.
Between the 11th and 13th laps the 1st round of ‘regular pit stops’ (for changing tires) begun and Tom McKay was fine on the lead and was able to come back in 1st place, making his pit stop at the end of the 13th lap, while some other drivers lost or won a few positions here and there…
Alex Hill got to 2nd and ADI came back on 3rd place. Soutie got the 4th position, followed by Grisu and Stig. With Hill’s stop at the end of the 17th lap, ADI recovered the 2nd place, Soutie got up to 3rd and Alex came back in 4th, because Grisu also went to the pits, dropping to 9th place.

That was the point where some ‘surprises’ started to happen… Some drivers started to leave the race – most of them due to accidents… In some cases, the drivers were able to get to the pits, but the engine was too damaged and also died…
At the end of the 20th lap, while I was at the 8th place (starting from ‘last’, using hard tires and going for only 1 stop - so, I was doing a pretty good race, no matter what Stig says... Yep, the guy loves me!), I was going to the pits and I got Sven and Grisu behind me. They were NOT lapping me, but they were faster than me, so I let both of them pass anyway. After the pool chicanes, I got also Denis_Belarus behind me and he was also faster than me, but I was going for my one and only pit stop, which was 1 corner ahead, so no need to open for him, since he was NOT close enough to overtake me at that specific point of the track and moment of the race, but… It seems that time runs a little faster in Belarus and they’re always in a hurry and don’t give a shit about the other drivers – or maybe he simply just forgot to bring his brain along with him when he logged in to race or something… - because he simply hit me on the back when I was braking for The Rascasse (the pit entrance was right after that corner) and I was literally thrown at the wall in front of me and lost my front TIRE!!! Which is something we all know it’s ‘impossible’ to fix in a race, because the pit crew take 608 seconds (10 minutes and 8 seconds) to do that and our engine dies after about 30-45 seconds stopped on the pit so… I literally dragged my car to the pit, but as I’ve just said, it was impossible to fix that shit. My engine died and it was ‘Bye bye Monaco – Hello, Austria!’ to me – thanks once again, Denis!!!

The race kept going and 2 laps after that, one of the supposed favourites for the win left the race ‘misteriously’: Soutie was out – ‘OMG!!!’ his mom screamed… ‘What, mom?!’, he asked back. And then she said ‘Did you see how beautiful is this new nail enamel colour?!...’ – Eerr… Sorry, ma’am, we’re talking about racing cars in here!... Anyway… Soutie had some troubles with his electric system, due to some crazy lightnings in South Africa! So, his PC was shut down and he obviously lost connection and got ‘kicked’ from the race! He was at 3rd place then and could’ve obviously fought for the win too! So… I wish you the SAME ‘luck’ next time, mate! So then we all have a chance to win, since you’re waaaaay too fast sometimes – LOL!
So, Tom and ADI opened a big smile and they’re gonna say Mr. Monaco (yep, 6 wins there: Ayrton Senna!!!) some prayers tonight to thank him for that…

At the lap 28, it was time for Alex Hill (and his engine) to say goodbye… What a shame, China Boy! He was at the 3rd place then and certainly looking good for the podium! Better luck in Austria, buddy!

Arek was doing an amazing recovering race (after crashing and losing his front wing on the very 1st corner of the very 1st lap – remember?...)! He started 4th, dropped to 18th and was again at 4th place at the very end of the 32th lap (only 7 laps remaining), while entering the start/finish straight, he slightly hit the right wall (what a silly mistake, mate! YOU NOOB!!!), which was enough to spin and hit the left wall and lose the front tires… Yep, see you on Austria too, buddy! Still it was a great race… with so little luck!

So, when everybody thought the race was over and Tom would easily have it – he was about 20 seconds ahead of ADI – who was another 20 seconds ahead of Stig – and on the very last lap, guess what happened?!?!?!... No, not the apocalyptical zombie armageddon… - at least not for the rest of the universe, but… certainly for Tom ‘Mac Eye’… At the 1st corner of the last lap, he lost his brakes and hit the wall (braked a little bit too late – lack of concentration, perhaps?... Or was it just the car all ‘worn out’ after 39 extremely hard laps?)… The fact is that Tom lost his front wing and I heard someone scream at ADI’s radio: “TOM CRASHED!!!” and then “TOM LOST HIS WING!!!”, followed by a “GO GO GO!!!”… Oh, that was ME – lol!!! So, Tom was desperately trying his best to complete that last lap without his front wing – at Monaco… would it be possible?!... – and all his pretty good advantage to ADI was gone in a few seconds! ADI was already at Tom’s ass (not in a gay way either) at the Tunnel entrance and all he needed was to wait to overtake… it was inevitable… Tom was crying on his cockpit and tried desperately to call for his mom and also to stay in front of ADI for just a ‘few’ more metters until the finish line… ADI wanted to overtake, but didn’t want to crash either – otherwise Stiggy-Iggy (who was in 3rd place) would be ‘The Laughing One’ in the end… So, ADI tried desperately to overtake… Tom tried desperately to block ADI, but at the Rascasse, only 2 corners away from the finish straight, it was just impossible to hold ADI and the inevitable happened…
As Tom punched his car inside the cockpit, ADI was releasing fireworks from his!!!... WOW, what a finish!!!

So, CONGRATS ADI, for the AMAZING victory!!! Especially for a guy who wasn’t able to finish a race until the previous one, at Turkey and then you got 2nd there and now just WON at Monaco! What a fantastic recovery on the championship!!!

And I’m sorry Tom! We all know you deserved to win… You were the fastest guy (along with Soutie) during the last 2 weeks of practice, got the pole, lead the entire race, made the fastest lap, with 1:16.196... but unfortunately lost in the end because of a silly accident due to a mechanical brake failure (not your fault, obviously) on the very last lap... But... that’s how races are, right? Still you did an AMAZING job the ‘whole weekend’ and got the 2nd place, which, in terms of championship, is not that bad!

Another race 'surprises':
- Sven, who was one of the slowest guys all weeekend and were not looking forward to this race finished 5th, just by staying on the track and getting away from race incidents - THAT was MY plan too - ruined by Mr.-Denis-I'm-In-A-Hurry-And-I-Don't-Give-A-Shit-If-I-Have-To-Pass-Over-You-Belarus...
- Jure Pazin made a pretty good race, being the one to earn more positions from start to finish (8 positions, from 14th to 6th place) and scored his 1st championship points - congrats's mate!!!
- Luft-inspektor was the one with more overtakes: 16. Followed by Arek, with 15 and Sexy Brigadeiro, with 13.
- Giorgos scored points again (since he came back to the league) - good job, man!
- King Dario chatted again (and again)... and it seems that the part of his brain responsible for understanding a simple rule like 'NO CHATTING AT QUALI & RACE SESSIONS', is missing...
- BlackFox had a few good moments and fights with Sven and other drivers, but since he is ALMOST as fast as me, he decided to give us all a chance and hit the wall (obviously on purpose) a few times, until he just couldn't keep on racing and he 'gave up' on the 32th lap while he was on 7th place (according to the graphs - but it was 9th or 10th according to himself)... Still he finished in 11th, so he couldn't score points, giving us all a chance on the championship...
- And Denis, who screwed up my, Arek's & Grisu's race and made 7 (yep, SEVEN) pit stops still scored 1 damn point... jah, life is unfair!...

Now let’s all pack our bags, folks! We’re going to Austria and we’ll meet again in 7 days!!!

NEXT RACE: Austrian GP, at A1 Ring – January 29th, 2012 – 3pm UK time (DON’T GET LATE, NOOBS!!!)

...

MONACO DRIVERS’ POINTS:

1 – ADI (Force India) – 25 points
2 – Tom McKay (RBR) – 18 points
3 – Stig (Mercedes) – 15 points
4 – Grisu (McLaren) – 12 points
5 – Sven (Ferrari) – 10 points
6 – Jure Pazin (Williams) – 8 points
7 – Joe McLaggen (McLaren) – 6 points
8 – Luft_inspektor (RBR) – 4 points
9 – Giorgos (HRT) – 2 points
10 – Denis_Belarus (STR) – 1 point

MONACO TEAMS’ POINTS:

1 – Force India – 25 points
2 – RBR – 22 points
3 – McLaren – 18 points
4 – Mercedes – 15 points
5 – Ferrari – 10 points
6 – Williams – 8 points
7 – HRT – 2 points
8 – STR – 1 point

i did not crash, and i did not lose concentration. i was on boost 3, i was taking it easy. i braked at the right moment, early if anything. but my brakes failed. that is why the car does not slow down at all. i could see this on my HUD after, because my brake temp in my LF was about 100c, but every other was 1200c. the brake was totally worn down. this meant i couldn't brake for any corners on the lap, nor could i turn very easily. if i had just lost my front wing i could easily have completed the last lap and won.
it was not a mistake, it was bad luck. it was this damn mod throwing yet another spanner in the works. it was not an amazing victory for ADI, it was a lucky one. sorry if i sound bitter, but you've painted me as some kind of retard in this report?
please adjust the race report accordingly. perhaps i should have used higher brake ducts or larger pads. i dunno

HAHA i loved this race report epic sexy simply epic lol

well done sexy, everything important is in it and its also very funny!

thank you!

i forgot to say that this a good report.
but your assessment of your accident with Denis is completely wrong I think. i've mentioned this in the penalties thread. to be honest, you turned into him, he was 50% alongside you as you came into the braking zone. i think you're a bit harsh on him.

but tom a crash is a crash.... you did crash does not matter how you look at it.... just because it was not your fault does not mean you did not crash..im just saying sexy is compleatly right any news paper report would have said the exact same thing...its just sounds better..sorry to say

I'm sorry, Tom. I have to disagree with EVERYTHING you said... Except that my report was good - LOL!
But seriously: 1st, I didn't try to make you look like a fool or anything. I was just trying to make a funny report so everybody would have fun reading it - including you, so that might ease your mind after losing the race. I KNOW it was lack of luck and I actually SAID that! I also congratulated you and said that you DESERVED to win, simply because you were faster than everyone for the last 14 days on that track - including today! And I think EVERYBODY KNOWS that you lost the race by something REALLY unfortunate and not because you're a 'retard' or anything. Still I'm REALLY sorry if you felt offended. If you REALLY want, I can change it.
And about Denis... he was NOT 'alongside' with me at all! He was BEHIND ME! And I got hit when I braked because... well... I HAD to brake, right?! Otherwise, how to take that corner?! Not to mention I was slower than him (using hard tires - which he didn't knew, but he OBVIOUSLY SAW I was slower), so he should've been a little more careful and just waited for a better oportunity and place to overtake (assuming that he didn't know I was going to the pits)... But he just kept driving like if I just wasn't there in front of him! I KNOW he didn't do it on purpose! I'm just saying that he wasn't careful either! He just 'ignored' the fact that I was there! So... 'unfortunately' he hit me, thrown me on the wall, I lost my tires and that was the end to me... It's pretty frustrating, because it was a good race to me until then and it got fucked up by another person - if it was my own mistake like at Hockenheim, I wouldn't be mad or anything... And I have NOTHING against the Belarussian guys, but... sometimes they drive like if there were only them on the track and that's a little bit annoying... I KNOW that EVERYONE wants to win, but you MUST be careful with your opponents, right?! Otherwise... it would be better to go and play Mario Kart... get those red turtle shells and have fun!...
Anyway...
I'm sorry for anything, mate. Please don't get mad at me. Congrats for the 2nd place. I'm REALLY sorry for you not winning - you deserved, as I said - but that's how races are... I can't do anything about Denis incident anyway, so... let's focus in Austria and in having FUN now (and always)!!!

P.S. Thanks Sam and Sven! I'm glad you guys liked it! I know it's long, but I tried to make it funny and enjoyable to read. And also to release some of the tension of the race, since it's done now and perhaps we can just sit and laugh about it. I didn't mean to be disrespectful or to offend or hurt anyone... Ok, maybe except for Denis... LOL!
But seriously, if you guys think I have to change anything, just let me know. And if you guys want another person to do it, I'm ok with that too. No hard feelings at all.

Tom, I got nothing against you but as far as I know it's not allowed to deffend yourself when you have a damaged car. You were right on the racing line (or on inside where I should've pass) deliberately in several corners going very slow, causing some dangerous situations, and you as an admin should now better that. And winning 200 meters after a chicane with a damaged car I dont think its normal. Im not asking for a penalty or sth, I know you also need results, but admit it you were at list at the limit of the regulations with that.
Me being lucky, I'm fine with it after I started this league with 4 DNF's...

Sexy, great report and very funny! Keep it up!
Next time you'll get luckier in race.

no don't change it at all man. i know you weren't trying anything. sorry!
i'm just very gutted! i want to get back out on track and race again! i think this was my best shot at winning a race at all this season, and it was taken by bad luck! i've taken that corner 1000 times this week and not crashed. i hadn't even got ANY damage on my car at all for the whole race
sorry for venting at you! leave the report how it is
and about the Denis thing - on my replay he IS alongside you. i think i must have lag or something then. i believe you more than the replay (which has many errors)

ADI - i was desperate to hold on to the win! i lost my head a bit. however, i HAD to go that slowly. i was missing a front brake AND a front wing. i couldn't make the turns! sorry
i don't care about points or the championship really. i'm just going for wins.
but also, i haven't finished the last 5 races, so to finish is good!

It's all ok, Tom. No hard feelings at all. No apologies needed either.
And ADI, luck or not (and although Tom deserved it), you WON and I'm VERY happy for you, mate!!!
Better luck for ME at Austria too!
Thanks for everyone who read and enjoyed my silly report!
Take care, peeps!

P.S. Race report updated with a few extra info about some other drivers too!

nice report Sexy

btw i still enjoy my brilliant undercut after 1st pit stop i up from 4th to 2nd place

I'm glad you enjoyed the race anyway, Alex! And thanks for also enjoying the report!

Guys i dont know about you but there is nothing stopping a damaged car from defending...although skipping the chicane was bad im just saying that...show me in F1 the rule where it say's no damaged car may not defend????

I don't know what the real life F1 rules say specificaly about this subject, but... I think it's just a matter of common sense - in MY PERSONAL OPINION - there's NOTHING wrong in defending your position with a damaged car (especially if you're close to the end of the race and by defending that place you may win or lose the race) BUT... just as long as you do that in a FAIR way and don't put the other cars (and also yours) in risk - especially on purpose...

Long story short: in MY opinion, you CAN TRY to defend your place with a damaged car the best you can, BUT just be careful and FAIR - in ALL ways.

P.S. I'm NOT saying or suggesting that Tom was 'unfair', or anything, ok? I'm just saying what I think about this specific race situation: defending your place with a damaged car.

Still Tom did his best and was out of luck - I'm sorry for that, mate - the race was yours and everybody knows it.
ADI got lucky but also had the skills to overtake Tom - so, congrats for that and for the win!

And what a GREAT race ending, huh? Our league is FUCKTASTIK!!!

I'm ok with what you said there Sexy...(not sure myself about the rule...-just not create dangerous situations)

(A little bit of adjustment: in latest phases I was about 30 sec in front off Stig and about 15 behind Tom I think )

i think it is okay to defend with a damaged car. i was trying to stop you getting by, but i wasn't weaving and crashing (imo). i missed the chicane because i knew my car couldn't turn it, because i couldn't slow down quickly enough. i even tried putting my brake bias all the way to the back back it wasn't working. i think i had suspension damage as well as front wing missing. idk. sorry if it was dangerous

This was my best race since I play rfactor